Mac's Thoughts

My friend Sheila started a blog!

2012-01-09T20:21:00.001-08:00

lifeshetuations.blog.com

Here is my shout out to you She. There is no one else like Sheila so I'm sure her blog will be no different.

Useless post

2011-11-09T13:19:00.000-08:00

This is a post. This post exists to prove that I posted something recently. So here it goes. This is my post to fulfill the desire to post. And to fulfill the desire of those who say, "Hey Mac when are you going to post something?" Well here is that post. Just for you.

Ah the useless post. Gotta love it. A post for posting sake.

Even Barry is human.

2011-05-26T10:39:00.000-07:00

Obama's Toast of the Queen

I simply cannot stop laughing at this. It is so awkward you can see it on everyone's face. I would hate to be him at that moment. Oh Barry that is totally something I would do. I really can't stop laughing.

2011-05-03T06:53:00.000-07:00

Social Suggestion #3

If a pattern occurs, assume it will continue.

For example:
If you live by a train track and trains utilize said track, and trains have horns; then you should expect train horns blowing near your house...following me?

Another one:
If I...oops...you can't dunk a basketball on account of your biological make-up; then don't expect to slam one down on a fool that tries to block you.

So:
If your new spouse cheated on their last pregnant-spouse with you; then what do you think will happen now that you are pregnant?

2010-07-06T03:33:00.000-07:00

How thick is the irony when I place fresh strawberries atop a bowl of CoCoa Puffs?

Irony tastes good to me.

2010-04-29T03:37:00.000-07:00

You know those people at Kellogg's were not kidding.

These are a good source of Fiber...a very good source...a very, very good source!

2009-08-31T03:41:00.000-07:00

Social Suggestion # 2

I believe we are all created with certain inalienable rights. One being the right to wear the shirt of our choice. However, a sleeveless shirt on a guy is always wrong. There may be a logical and practical reason but, no matter what the reason may be, it's wrong. Now you may be saying, "But what about the NBA?" I say yes it may keep their shot unhindered by sleeves...but it's still wrong. What about body builders with gigantic ripped arms? you might say. While they my be the strongest argument for going sleeveless...still wrong. You may play tennis, jog, change light bulbs in your garage or simply enjoy the breeze; but sleeveless is never the way to go.

If God intended men to go sleeveless then why did He invent shirts and why do they have sleeves on them? We ruined the original design.

Guys, don't go sleeveless.

2009-08-25T03:32:00.000-07:00

Social Suggestions #1 -

At a wedding a friend(who will go unnamed..Trip) made a statement, "Mac you need to put up a blog with your social commentaries". To which I said, "I already have a blog, and that's what it's for...for me to put up my takes on life and it's your job to read it Trip". Which birthed this new thread of Social Suggestions. With the prequel to my first entry being that people should do their research and due diligence and find out if someone has a blog before they suggest that person gets a blog...TRIP!

Suggestion

People at large, and more specifically those who work at my office building, please feel free to utilize the attributes of the escalator that mirror those of its predecessor the stairs. Escalators are a powerful people moving mechanism created by a mammoth genius obviously named Frank Escalate (I know that it is most likely named for the action it preforms but just go with me here). However this mechanism is even more effective when the people being moved add to the moving. Feel free to lift your leg and place your foot on top of the next...oh dare i say...step in front of you. So the next time I mount an escalator and you are in front of me, do not be suprised when I inhabit the STEP immediatly behind you and breath heavily in your direction with a hearty sigh that extends its normal length of 1 or 2 seconds.

2009-07-25T19:13:00.000-07:00

Bucket-head!
The stuff that makes your heart smile.

2009-05-13T18:55:00.000-07:00

I thought it strange that while i was running my ipod jumped across so many genres of music that it couldn't make up it's mind. David Crowder, Foo Fighters, Melissa Ethridge, Will Smith, The Chipmunks...whatever. Maybe it's me who can't make up his mind.

2009-05-06T19:42:00.000-07:00

My youngest son is so talented and well-cultured!

2009-05-06T19:38:00.000-07:00

My son just prayed before he went to sleep. I love hearing him talk to God. It is so honest and untainted. Tonight he said, "Thank you Jesus for making all these people(I'm assuming he meant our family, and I like how he said these people-like we have cooties) and thank you Jesus for pizza and everything you made, Amen."

I think he's got it.

2009-05-03T20:15:00.000-07:00

I just put my son to bed. Ten minutes later he calls me in to tell me that the pajama shirt I put on him has a truck theme whilst the pants have a space theme. Clearly I mis-matched. I love his honesty and his cognitive ability. What was he thinking? "Hmmm, I would sure like to fall asleep yet something is keeps pulling me back out of REM. I wonder if it could be the threat of Swine Flu I hear about, or maybe the pressure of the economic status our country is in, could it be the quandary of whether to dress as batman tomorrow or superman? Ah that's it clothes. My pajamas are all not-fung-shui. My dad is so off tonight...DADDY!" If only everything in life had an answer that simple.

2009-02-03T21:27:00.000-08:00

Kids in bed + wife playing guitar hero so entertaining. Have to be at work in 6 hours...who cares.

2009-01-21T20:25:00.000-08:00

After I used each and every tool in my arsenal/garage, I found the Holy Grail of possum removal tools...a rake.

A hoe, broom, paint roller extension pole, pellet gun, a barrage of wiffle balls, shifting my shoes, whistling, clapping - all weapons one might think of using to remove a possum. But the second I scrapped the rake on the garage floor the possum freaked out. He couldn't stand the sound. Every time it scratched the concrete, his body flinched. Eventually he ran out so fast like Rosie O'Donnell at a Republican National Convention.

So note to all - use a rake and scrap it on the floor!

2008-12-22T21:07:00.000-08:00

I don't have a Facebook. But I do have a face. And I like to use it to talk to people.

2008-12-17T03:27:00.000-08:00

Now how not normal is that? - Nugget Surprise

Earlier this week I was feeding my family a healthy meal from the red-headed clown-man's mandated cafe. When I partook of one of the chicken morsels I found a surprise. This nugget isn't scared after all. It had a bone inside.

Now how not normal is that?

2008-12-09T20:35:00.000-08:00

What I love right now:

I love wrestling with my boys. Being a dad has it's perks, but one of the best is getting on the ground and tearing into a toddler. I also love the excitement of coming home from work. I love my boys.

I love my wife. She is even more of what I want then when I asked her to marry me. I hear people say that they married their best friend-and everybody tries to say that-but I really did marry my best friend. I love my wife.

I love my family. I guess I believed somewhere that having a perfect family was perfect. But mine isn't. And I like that, really. My family is real, difficult, supporting and caring. And best of all they are all within a 30 minute drive. I love my family.

2008-03-31T17:01:00.000-07:00

Why does the pressure on the water fountain pulsate in conjunction with someone flushing a toilet nearby? Does this bother anyone else?

2007-12-16T19:16:00.000-08:00

People I'd like to thank...

I want to thank the dude who makes healthy food. We are told all the time by doctors and health professionals to eat healthy. Even Dr. Oz on Oprah reminds you to eat smart. But do those people who are preaching organic and free-range, ever look at the prices?

So here comes the guy I'd like to thank. Mr healthy food maker price setter guy. You take food that is good for us and make it 300 times more expensive than regular food. How am I supposed to get healthy and skinny?

Back in the days of castles and sword duels, you were considered well off if you were over weight. Because it meant you could afford more than potatoes. Now the sign of wealth should be those who can afford healthy foods looking skinny and fit.

So I guess I'll just go grab my Ramen and some Fried Chicken or Twinkies and Bisquick. Maybe some Hamburger Helper...Yeah help me get FAT!

Thanks a lot Mr healthy food maker price setter guy.

2007-10-09T07:17:00.000-07:00

I can't help but smile!

The Yankees are out of the post season...again. What a great day. The disgrace that is the Yankees will once again sit and watch a "real" baseball team win the series. Oh the joy!

$$ + great individual players doesn't = championships.

Championships are won by teams. TEAM. That is what it takes to win. A good team is made up of very good players who play well together and play for each other not for a paycheck or cameras.

Oh the weather outside is frightful
But the news is so delightful
The Yanks have no place to go
Yankees blow Yankees blow Yankees blow

2007-07-12T05:21:00.000-07:00

Note to self-don't carry $4.00 coffee and your computer bag on the same hand.

2007-06-27T05:04:00.000-07:00

People I'd Like To Thank-

I'd like to thank they guy who first said, "Bad things always happen in 3's". You really started something punk. What was your evil mind thinking when you came up with that quip? If I had the chance I would punch you in the spleen and then just for spite I would punch you 3 more times and laugh because that bad thing just happened 4 times...HA HA there goes your theory or should I say three-ory. Then I would say, "That just happened Mr. Bad things happen in 3's theory maker-uper."

Thanks to you 3 bad things happened to me recently.

First, I was utilizing the men's facility on the 3rd floor of my office building. As I compressed the handle of the vertical toilet-otherwise known as the urinal-the rapids ensued. The water from the urinal began mimicking Niagara. And I was not about to jump in a barrel and put my name on the list. I was attacked. My shoes and pants became soaked from the urinal's arsenal. Not a good thing because as a man you try your best to keep any splashes off your clothing while in a men's room. This is crucial. Your appearance as you exit speaks of who you are. Even if some sprinkles from the sink show on your pants, people will think things. 1 of 3; and I wouldn't even notice the significance of the 3rd floor until later. Little did he know, little did he know.

Second, I decided to trim my hair to a more user friendly length-you know a guard setting of 3. As I made my first pass down the center of my cranium I failed to notice the sheer amount of hair being sheared. I looked at the razor and was amazed by the size of the hair bundled up on the guard. I shrugged and thought, "Mmm I guess my hair was longer than I thought." So I kept going. Little did he know. After I had finished the scalping I walked inside only to be greeted by my wife's reassuring remark of, "Oh my gosh...go look at your hair." The mirror speaks clearly. And clearly it spoke. That's when I realized the number 3 guard I attached was for facial hair. A different size than the one used for HAIR ON TOP OF THE HEAD.

And finally or thirdly, my wife my son and I (3 of us) were enjoying a nice sunny day at the beach-with my scalp feeling especially warm due to the lack of coverage. This was my son's first beach trip. As I sat him on my lap reminding him that everything was safe-so I thought-, a seagull deposited a gift on my knee. The multi-colored warm poo hit me and then splashed on my son. That's when I looked up to see which dive bomber picked me and realized the bird is not who I should be angry with. Then and there I realized my anger should be directed towards someone else.

So thanks a lot Mr. "Things happen in 3's" theory maker-uper guy. You're a punk. I will find you. And after I'm through punching your spleen people will recall the event and say, "Little did he know...".

2007-05-17T05:53:00.000-07:00

I wander wonder...

Its considered healthy to have your mind concentrating on the task at hand ie. a conversation, a project, reading, writing, arithmetic (I still don't know why those are called the 3 R's). Yet from time to time I find myself wondering about things that aren't too important to my present task; related of course but not relevant (for instance the previous statement about the 3 R's).

I wonder. Not so much "off subject", more "near subject". You could say I wander wonder (I like that alliteration).

So I wonder...who out there wander wonders also? Where are the Wonder Wanderers? What are they watching. Where are their wonder wanderings taking them? What wonders are whisking them away, and where to? Where would we be without Wonder Wanderers? What do Wonder Wanderers wear? Why am I writing this? What words wake Wonder Wanderers weekly?

My latest wonder wandering took me by surprise. I've used erasers my whole life. Mostly because of mistakes when writing, but sometimes I like to make art out of erasers and the aftermath. As I used my Sanford Magic Rub 1954, I wondered, "Why is there ink on my eraser? Isn't the purpose of my eraser to erase ink? Does this mean my eraser is defective? How do they get ink to stay on the eraser?" And so on.

What wonder wanders do you have? When do you wonder wander the most? What were you wearing when your most recent wonder wander wound up waking your wonder? Were you wishing you weren't wandering with your wonder? Wet your whistle? Want waffles?...what?

I wonder if the weather will waft the weary on their wherry
wherein the weather is, and whether the wherry carrying the weary will
weather the weather.

Let me know your wonder wanderings. If we share, who knows where we will wind up or which way the wind will blow?

The letter W was used 105 times in this post (plus 2 more times in this sentence).

2007-05-07T06:10:00.000-07:00

Baseball =drama!

It's bad enough the Barry injects himself and swells up as he gets older(seriously -can you say steriod use or just the typical development of a 42 year old man?). Now Roger Clemens has to prove to the world that he is a money chaser. I have had much non-love for the Yankees ever since I fell in love with the game of baseball. It's just too easy to hate them. And my new dislike of the Rocket is not based on that.

Of course not all the blame lies on Roger, for holding out and demanding that baseball wait on him and bend over backwards to pay out the wazoo, the Hendricks bros deserve much credit.

So thank you Roger for using our facilities in spring training and making us pay for your spring workouts and supplies. And then bolting for NY in the pursuit of the all-mighty-dollar!

You are such a stand-up-guy. By that I mean, "those of you who want to pretend you are playing baseball for the love of the game and you are making your decision to play based on family and the fans but really want to mislead everyone and pad your pockets to really prove what a selfish putz you are please stand up." And Roger will stand up every time.

Good luck Yankees. You now have the most selfish player playing for the most selfish owner. Actually that's not a bad combination.

May the Rocket fizzle in the Bronx!

2007-05-01T13:05:00.000-07:00

It's not working.

When I was in "attack-blog-mode" my team actually heard my botheration of being a fan (defined as an enthusiastic devotee of sports). However my stratagem to hurl heart-felt insults aimed at the Astros has blown up in my face. This futile attempt to spur my team on to great results has turned out to be a house-of-cards.

My plan of attack called for monthly complaints about poor batting, lousy relief pitching or overall lack of effort. I believed this scheme would effectively produce the outcome we all desire. But NAY! The Astros can not smell what I am stepping in-so to speak. So I will up the ante. I will fire complaints from behind my electronic bulwark at a more rapid pace.

They'll never know what hit 'em. (actually I hope they do catch my drift and start playing with more heart and attempt to lock up a win before late innings)

LET'S GO ASTROS...clap clap.......clap clap clap!
I mean: YOU GUYS STINK, GO BACK TO ROUND ROCK YOU OVERPAID 8TH GRADERS!
I can feel my plan working...shhhh, don't blow it for us...shhhh, who said that...oh it was me shhhh.

2007-04-20T05:46:00.000-07:00

It's that time of year again.

Time to get your vote on for the MLB All-Star Game. If you want to vote here is a link that will take you to an online ballot.

http://www.mlb.com/mlb/events/all_star/y2007/ballot_reg.jsp

You can vote 25 times!

Now I don't have to tell you what player you should vote for. But some guys on a hot team in South East TX are playing pretty well. (I'm staying vague because when I submitted my verbal razing of the "South East TX team" they turned around and started slapping pitchers around in late innings. So I'm going to keep up the barrage of critiques and criticism.)

So put on your team's jersey, buy a ticket, get out to the ball park and punch the chads, or wear your decrepit PJ's, pay for dial-up or high-speed, go to your Commodore 64 and click away.

The power is yours!

2007-04-09T05:10:00.000-07:00

Take me out to the ball game
Take me out to the crowd
Buy me a team that can hit the ball
High school Ju-co who can we call
For its root root root for the Lastros
If they don't win what a shock
For it's one through nine they can't hit
At the 'Ole Ball Game!

I know that last line didn't rhyme with the 6th line, but cut me some slack please! At least my winning percentage isn't .167!

2007-04-04T04:52:00.000-07:00

Raise your hand if...
You think Opening day of Major league Baseball should be considered a national holiday.

Do I really need to expound on this? (rhetorical question-you know like when mom said, "Do I always have to repeat myself?" and you fought not to say "Yes" just to see what she might say. Or when she said, "Do I look like I'm kidding?" and you wanted to say something but you knew it would result in a sever thrashing and you may not have clean underwear for the week.)

Well here is my soapbox (Don't think for a second that I wouldn't answer my own question. Do I look like I'm kidding?-ensuing thrashing to follow):

First, there are many celebratory days recognized in our country that I feel are, well...underwhelming.
A day for a marmot.
A day for administrative professionals.
World Ocean Day?
grandparents Day-How do you celebrate that, send them a card with a $5 bill in it?

There are even Federal observances such as:
National Maritime Day. Really?! Celebrating the first successful transoceanic voyage under steam propulsion!?!
Carl Garner Federal Lands Cleanup Day ?

Second, baseball is known as, "America's Favorite Pastime". Hello the word America is in there. That's enough to stop the presses, stand up and salute. The smell of a leather glove. The feel of the seams of a new baseball. The organ music, the songs. Peanuts and Cracker Jacks...PEANUTS AND CRACKER JACKS!

I get it that trees are important, but when is the last time a dad and his son fired up the grill, put on their favorite tree's hat and watched 3 hours of tree coverage and a slew of predictions on this year's blooms?

I feel that Opening Day should be a holiday-a combination of the words "holy" and "day". It may be just a game but that first game should cause us to pause and remember the game we all play: the game of life (not the board game).

Join the movement, let your voice be heard.

2007-04-02T06:50:00.000-07:00

"Welcome back, welcome back, welcome back, welcome back." - from the theme song for Welcome Back Kotter.

After an extended time, I have resurfaced with a renewed ferver. This resurgence is due in full to you the faithful readers. I can count on one thumb and finger the faithful who intentionally approached me regarding the lack of fresh streaming thoughts. So to you(this "you" actually meaning one person "you" not a group "you"), the lone listener, here is fresh macthought coming at you.

2007-01-03T08:29:00.000-08:00

People I'd like to Thank...

It's New Years...Again.

You might want to brush up on your New Year's greeting 101. This is very important for all of us to practice safe greeting manners.

And on to the person I would like to thank. I was in a store recently-ok I'll give it a more dramatic feel.

It was a cool crisp December day, 10:30 in the morning. The date was the 29th. This is only relevant based on the target of my gratitude. I paced back-and-forth in front of the drink cooler containing juices, 42,000 versions of coke, energy drinks promising potent power and the random door attachment housing a candy bar that you've always enjoyed but the slogan boasts a new experience when the chocolate yummy thing is cold. Genius; but you can't really believe we the consumers would be fooled by that one...I grabbed a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup-it really is good cold.

But as I approached the register, feeling manipulated but anticipating my cold chocolate, I noticed a pink and red hue overtaking the store. Yes Valentine's Day goodies and decor for all to see-and purchase...Which is the reason for it anyway. As my cold chocolate warmed in my hand I thought to myself, "This is ridiculous. Who decides the start date for stocking the next holiday's items?" And I knew this was a person I'd "like to thank".

Seriously, December 29th!?? I still have sugar plums dancing in my head. Not to mention the fireworks in my truck stashed away for attempts to feel young again by igniting who-knows-what made who-knows-where. Is it really necessary to erase all visible signs of the wonderful holiday that was so hyped by the stores for the past 8 months? Do they not realize we need transitional time? DECEMBER 29th...COME ON PEOPLE!

I don't know what we can do about this, but I for one feel hurt, almost deceived. I mean what next? In the middle of singing a Christmas song the 2nd verse hints at valentines. "I'm dreaming of a white Christmas. Just like the ones I used to know. Where the candy hearts glisten and children listen. To hear if any valentine cards dropped into their paper bag on their school desk hoping to get more than the token teacher card." Wow I went crazy there at the end. But come on. Will the Easter bunny hide 4th of July fireworks in the eggs? Are kids going to be encouraged to dress up during Halloween as their favorite Thanksgiving food?

Furthermore-I don't have a further more I just thought I would include that word.

Thank you Date-prior-to-holiday-fill-the-shelves-decider-guy.

I would love to wish you and yours a very merry New-Year-Easter-Break-Arbor-4th-Memorial-Labor-ween!

2006-11-07T12:46:00.000-08:00

I got a sucker!

When I went to the bank the other day I got to use the vacuum-sucky-pod-mover-thingy. That thing is awesome. But the real point is that after I deposited my cash into my savings account-which supposedly yields interest but charges me crazy fees for withdrawals, re-orders, spell-check and processing fees-I received a sucker with my deposit slip. That's right it came down the clear tube, into it's docking station next to my window, and BAM right into my hands.

A couple things crossed my mind. Besides the normal array of questions like: "How do they clean that thing when stuff gets caught in it?" or "Can I figure out a way to sneak up there and connect a tube to my house and take everyone's money?" or "Do you think a footlong from Subway could fit in that?" I reveled in my sugar free gift from the bullet proof window teller person who only has a first name like Tony, Karen, Roger or Alejandro.

I wondered where else could you incorporate this generous gift giving technique and it change your experience?

How about at the car dealership. "Good afternoon welcome to ___________ Ford/GMC/Hummer/Hyundia/Nissan/BMW/Toyota/Honda Dealership, would you like a sucker?" Nice huh?

Or on the hold with your cell phone company when you call asking about the Government fee or usage fee(are they serious) or the adjustment fee for adjusting something that they don't want to admit to so they call it adjusment fee or even worse the "other" fee which, come on, makes no sense. "Thank you for calling __________ Wireless where we work for you and want to keep you connected. Your wait time to speak to a friendly overseas operator is 93 minutes"...then bam a sucker comes through your phone. Love it!

Or how about the mall kiosk people. "Excuse me sir can I ask you a question? (the famous line so as not to get a "no I'm not interested" response-in which I love to respond to their question with "you just did") Thanks anyway, here's a sucker" Seriously if those not-legitimate-enough-for-a-store peddlers of sea salts, personalized pot holders, hermit crabs and 3D moving water wall art, would just sit back and not verbally tackle me as I go by, I might hear them out and actually buy a belt buckle with Sponge Bob on it.

So I think suckers are great. Really. You should start giving them away at your place of business. Just imagine the difference it could make.

2006-08-14T10:46:00.000-07:00

People I'd like to thank...

This is an ongoing thematic rant I will have title "People I'd like to thank". It will consist of me giving my unadulterated, whole-hearted, bottom-of-my-heart gratitude to specific peeps I feel like smashing with thanks.

First I'd like to thank the guy who programmed the timing of bathroom hand-dryers. You know the kind that sit on the wall next to the sink in a public restroom? Don't misread me, I appreciate the hand dryrer because I think public restrooms are a feeding ground for germs and disgusting things.

But let's focus on the jerk at hand. The dude who set the timing of each drying cycle. You are genius with a capital G and capital ENIUS. After washing ones hands, which most people don't do, one has a choice to wipe ones hands on ones pants or partake in a brilliant invention appreciated by germ-a-phobes everywhere. But the difficult thing to understand is why you, drying cycle timer dude, decided to set the timing so that one cycle isn't enough and two cycles are too much.

The first cycle always leaves my hands moist. And yes I follow all full-color diagrams and directions. And when I need to start the 2nd cycle, if I stay the whole time my skin begins to burn; or the restroom is left with the empty sound of a hand dryer just blowin. That is a waste of energy, especially in these high price oil times. You should recalibrate your dryers. They would last longer, dry better, and use less electricity.

Frankly I'm thinking of going back to the ole' "hey look over there" (then wiping on my jeans)

Thanks a lot Hand dryer-timing-programmer-dude!

2006-05-19T07:35:00.000-07:00

The Astros' Wives...Thank You!

I'd like to thank the wives of the Houston Astros for standing in their husbands place and allowing them 3 days rest. On May 15-18 the Astros organization crossed an unprecedented threshold once again. On the heels of their first World Series appearance, the Astros catch America's attention by sitting their players and asking the wives to fill in for their men.

The Giants of San Francisco came to town with "swollen-head" Bonds with media from across the nation in tow. Obviously there was a idea somewhere in the Astros camp that must have sounded similar to this, "Hey the stage is set with all this media around, why not be the first team to put the player's wives on the field for an entire 3 game series."

3 games straight, the Giants faced the Astros' wives on the field. And the result was obvious. The Giants scored 34 runs combined for the series. And you ladies thought no one would notice your presence at Minute Maid.

And so I'd like to give a Texas sized thank you to the Astros' wives for giving their men a rest and playing the Giants so bravely(name of NL East team not intended). I'm not sure we realize what a sacrifice that was. Thank you ladies. I look forward to more impressive things from you in the future. As for now rest up we might need you in a pennant race in October.

2006-05-03T06:20:00.000-07:00

Are you a Waver?

During a baseball game last week, I saw one of the funniest yet addicting things happen in the crowd. The wave. It's funny because never would you see someone, or find yourself, alone in a chair then having the urge to stand up, hands up in the air and scream then sit back down again; then repeat until interest is lost. However if a crowd of one-man-wavers get together and begin propositioning for this silly maneuver, it turns into a giddy, childish, "hey look at that" happening.

As I watched a few one-man-wavers attempt to sell the rest of the watching-the-game-paying-fans on the necessity of the wave, I recognized a few simple but profound truths.

1. No matter how hard one man tries to get the wave started it takes more than one. Possibly two...four would be good...seven to ten people even better.

2. Multiple pockets of wave-starters can have a difficult time reaching their intended goal unless they are pushing the ripple in the same direction.

3. Once everyone succumbs to the few wave-starter's appeals, they love it. In fact they cheer it on as the sea of people push the ripple all the way around the now ocean-like arena, and boo the sitter-downers as if they just kicked their dog or just took the parking spot they were waiting for at Target.

4. After the wave has come around about eight times (field research shows the eigthth pass is key) the once "hey sit down I'm trying to watch the game...Ok I'll do the wave" fans, return to their previous position of sitting and being disinterested in the human ripple that once, for a fleeting five minutes, held their attention and devotion.

I think we all are either searching for a "wave" that we can start or sitting watching wave-starters desperately try to get others to buy into their wave, all the while wishing we had the guts to start one ourselves. Either way I have an encouraging word for all of us.

Dive in!

Why not? What can it hurt? Do you really think someone will look at you and say, "look at that moron, what a goofball, sit down"? Just try it next time you see the one-man-wave-starter call for your attention. He just wants everyone to have some fun. And why not attempt a wave yourself, what can you lose?

And wave-starters...we need you. Life would be nothing but a spectator sport without you. So when you feel the urge to spread the love and get others excited; please by all means stand up and shout, "Hey let's do the wave on three...ready? One...two...three...AAAAAAHHHHHHH!"

I'm feeling the desire right now...Ok that was a little silly doing the wave by myself in front of my lap top while the cleaning lady was right outside my door, but it was a start.

How about you?

2006-04-13T10:29:00.000-07:00

But I want to exercise...

The funny thing is that no matter how much I buy to encourage my non-practicing habit of exercising, I still don't exercise. I mean I want to, believe me I do, but I just don't think the answer to my dilemma is buying more exercise things...Until now.

I have found a $39 answer to my problem. It's called: Core Secrets. All along the secret has been locked up in this one-to-end-all exercise/DVD/"ground breaking new discovery" answer to America's exercise deficiency.

I have buried and disposed of various attempts to fix my problem. The Exer-Slide, Thigh Master, Ab-Roller, Ab-Energizer, The Ab-Lounge (which sits in my garage holding my tent and sleeping bags, jump ropes, Running Shoes, IPOD arm band, Mountain Bike and many mixed tapes and "up-to-date" burned CD's of heart pumpin rock to exercise with.

I believe this new find is going to revolutionize my exercising passion. You wont believe that I have actually used it correctly 3 times now. Which is about the longest stint I have ever experienced on one exercise piece of equipment. I really think this is going to work.

I do have one problem though. Just like many other home exercise remedies, this new "savior of my abs" came with an eating guide. I mean come on , seriously. Do you think I am going to follow this eating guide? I don't want your "expert" opinion on how to eat. Just show me how your fanciful machine thingy works so I can try it, grab a Snickers, put the machine in the garage and then search for the next unfulfilling answer in my quest for the ultimate bod.

Needless to say I am pumped (pun intended) about the Core Sercrets life-changing exercise experience. You never know, but this just might work. I might actually start exercising again for the first time.

2006-02-14T09:29:00.000-08:00

High in the sky.

I was on an airplane and was thinking, (which is easy to do because you can't hear anything due to the cabin pressure and noise) what a crazy thing...Flying. There are so many crazy things about flying in a plane that are so funny to me.

Like people. Seriously, people are crazy. Needing the air nozzle shooting stale air in the right direction, window or aisle(it's very important), wanting a pillow which feels like it's made of cotton candy and when puffed up is about as thick as a CD, feeling the need to talk to the person next to you and embellishing your life's details, or the fight over who gets the arm-rest, wanting a whole can of coke not just the swallow in the clear plastic cups(that fits in the perfectly sized indent on the seat-back-tray, even though I still find a way to slide or bump off the tray onto my lap or my carry-on neatly stowed under the seat in front of me).

Plane rides are interesting. It brings out the best and worst in people. I saw a man surrender his seat to a lady who looked a little distraught, carrying her 2 year old and a car seat. I've also seen people push and shove their way through innocent line-standers to the right seat they "have to" have. I even saw a man, annoyed by the kid sitting next to him who was bravely riding by himself, ask a steward to move the kid somewhere else so the man could enjoy his ride better. People are funny!

And I love it when landing, the plane rocks to a stop and the infamous "bong" sounds and immediately everyone stands up as if in doing so they will exit sooner. Think about it. There is one door we all will need to walk through. There is one aisle which is smaller than the door. The row you are standing in (more like ducking trying not to bump your head on the overhead storage bin; which I want to sneak in and ride the whole flight, and when someone opens it up to get their bags which have shifted during flight, I would jump out and say something clever like, "are we in Kansas?" or, "did you rub my lamp?" or, "ha ha it worked".) is smaller than the aisle. I'm not sure why people act like this but it's funny to me. I admit I jump up too, but there are some people who stay seated until everyone is out. I think they know something we don't. Like the people who sit in a theater and watch the credits to see if something extra will show up.

And the bathrooms...don't get me started on the bathrooms, don't even get me started.

Next time on a plane just watch. I'm telling you it's a crazy world filled with crazy people. Put those people thousands of feet in the air and they get even crazier!

2006-01-25T14:32:00.000-08:00

When you are eating out, do you talk about other food places?

I find it funny that when I'm eating out at a restaurant, the conversation always drifts toward discussing other eateries and what is liked and disliked about each one. You'd think that you'd want to show respect due the eating establishment where you are currently consuming products. I was wondering if this practice is applicable to all subjects and arenas of life.

For instance, when talking to a friend do people stay in the parameters of that friendship or does the topic hop to other friends. I wonder how that affects that present dialoging aquaintance. Do you find yourself talking about other movies while in a theater (theatre for you civilized readers)? Does your conversation roam to other songs while enjoying a musical number in your friend’s car? Can you really watch a game and not reminisce about games of ole' ?(I love that word. I wish I could add an apostrophe to any word and make it more special)

I think we can't give attention to our current situation because we operate in a competitively comparative community. (Alliteration...I love it!) Really...I typically blame it on my self-diagnosed ADD. It's really because I can't stop comparing. I do it. You do it. Of course I do it better than you. And you believe you are better than me but that's just being overly comparative. I am better though!

So the next time you are crunching your assumedly "free" chips and salsa; check yourself (for spillage of said tomato based appetizer) and see how comparative you are. Then listen to your cohorts and see how comedic their comparative communication comes across.

Then grade yourself accordingly:
1 pt. for you - for each comparison that you make that makes more sense then your competitor's.
2 pts. for you - for each comparison your competitor coughs up which was concocted by another contestant yet claimed by current competitor.
3 pts. for you - for each situation where you didn't create the comparison contest conversation.

If you score:
6-9 you are a normal human being and you should feel confident you aren't overly comparative. 10-15 you are very comparatively prone and you should curb your competitive predisposition. 16 or higher go get help!

2006-01-12T14:53:00.000-08:00

Happy New Year 101

I mean I'm all about being friendly, but how long into the actual New Year do you wish others a hearty, "Happy New Year"?

I saw a friend today that I hadn't seen since Christmas. She said, "Happy New Year" and I responded with an echoing greeting referring to the said year and its newness. Then I thought, "How far into the said year of newness do you use that greeting?" It's actually a very fundamental thing for me. I'm wondering. So to cure my anxiety I have come up with the official rules for New Year's greetings.

Happy New Year is a correct greeting in the following situations:

1. When used greeting a person you see during the dates of Jan. 1st - Jan. 5th.
2. When used greeting a person you haven't seen since the new year began when the date is on or before Jan. 15th. (after the 15th it really is too late and if you haven't seen that person since the 1st then you really can't call them a friend now can you?)
3. When greeting a person you have met for the first time on or before Jan. 15th.

So to all of you I haven't met yet, "Happy New Year!"
To those whom I call friends and I haven't seen you since Jan. 1st, "Happy New Year!"

I had to say it because it's too close to the 15th and I don't want to forget.

2006-01-10T12:51:00.000-08:00

I don't read books...

But I got in bed way past my bed time and hours past my 1.5 year old son's bed time. I grabbed my reading light, yes I have a reading light and I'm not an AARP member. It attaches to the back of your book which makes for an interesting balancing act to keep your book up-right. Also it has a 6 foot wire running to the cigarette carton-sized battery pack, which doesn't keep the flow of electricity consistently causing the light to skip between bright to dim to retinal damage to bright again. (no wonder I thought it was The Chronicles of Barney and couldn't find the silly purple blob-thingy singing songs with 2 teeth. I mean really he has one tooth on his top jaw and one on the bottom jaw...I KNOW HE DOESN'T FLOSS-LUCKY!)

I started Searching For God Knows What by Donald Miller. I figured I'd begin by enjoying chapter one, fall asleep in the middle of chapter two and try a week later picking back up and then getting frustrated that I forgot where I was, then placing it in a prominent spot where people would see it and think, "Wow he reads books". But I couldn't put it down. I loved it.

It was 1:45 AM when I realized I had read the first two chapters and wasn't even blurry-eyed. So I put it down and picked up the next day. I'm not done, but it's a fun book.

I appreciate Don's style. (We had lunch once so we call each other by shortened versions of our first names...well I do; he can't figure out how to shorten Mac.) I feel as if we are sitting at a coffee house and he is talking about last week, while a couple of guys across the fence drum out an earthy beat on weathered Djembes.

You should check this book out. I hope you will experience it the way I have. Of course your reading light is probably better than mine...whatever.

2006-01-05T08:58:00.000-08:00

And they say flossing is good for you...

On my last visit to the dentist, in a manner similar to a 2nd grade teacher explaining absolute truths like gravity, he said, "There are some people who can go their whole life not flossing their teeth and they are fine...You aren't one of those people." Imagine that.

I immediately took offense to his harsh evaluation of my oral hygiene. However as the white tonsil sucker was hissing and fighting with my tongue, and as he named and numbered each of my previous fillings; I realized this guy just might be right. I mean that plaque on the wall wasn't bad like the plaque on my teeth. That framed paper said he had proven himself worthy of a degree. Which means his opinion, most likely, is correct.

So I agreed with him. As I removed my tiny napkin, obviously designed for a smurf or something smaller than human, and received my party favor bag (feeling robbed because he didn't offer me a sucker); I promised to floss.

So I have been flossing. You can ask my wife. She should know because she's been following that rule her whole life. Well last night I was flossing my teeth when the string got caught between two teeth. As I attempted to saw it back and forth to remove it, there was a pop followed by a small UOO (Unidentified Oral Object) bouncing around and landing on my tongue. After the initial shock and wondering I discovered it was a loose filling! Yeah I know WOW!

I told Sam and she began to sway side to side holding onto the bathroom counter asking me to stop talking about it or she would faint. Right then I thought, "Hah. He told me to floss and I did and look what it got me; a hole in my tooth."

So maybe flossing isn't that great for you. Or maybe I just didn't floss consistently my whole life and that's why I had the filling in the first place. I'm calling him today to set up another appointment. I just hope I can keep myself from telling him he caused this to happen. Of course he will retort in a smarty-pants, stern-medical-sounding-tone of voice, "This wouldn't have happened if you would have flossed all along." I hate it when people are right.

2006-01-04T07:30:00.000-08:00

Ipeed once...now Ipod!

Well I did it. I have stepped into the world of Ipod. I never thought I'd come this far. I have so many people to thank.
I'd love to thank my first radio for being there through all those tough times(Lionel...Oooo what a feeling, Huey...I'm happy to be stuck with you too, Julio...wow to all those girls you loved before). My first Walkman(Dion...I put away my idols, Petra...more Power to ya, Jon...I'm living on a prayer, Eddie...Jeremy spoke in my class too). My first car stereo, with an 8 track player(Kenny...I know when to hold 'em). My first CD player(Stevie...my sky is crying, Run..you are the king of rock, Joe...love bites dude).
Anyway I'm loving this Ipod Nano. 500 songs I mean that's a lot. seriously name 500 songs...quick...see you can't. I'm excited I just hope I don't drop it down a parking lot grate will walking out of Target.
Ipeed, Ipaid, Ipod!

2005-12-20T12:38:00.000-08:00

I just got finished mailing my driving record and completion of a safety driving certificate. This is an annoying process. One is forced to watch 6 hours of stuff and answer the silliest questions. All becaue ,the aformentioned "One", broke some vehicle law requiring you to travel at a certain speed in a certain area.

My infringement was daring to move at a mind-blowing speed of 41...you can close your mouth now...in a 30 MPH zone. Let me defend myself please. The speed limit was 45 during my entire trip on my chosen route. Then as the road bent to the right and went downhill, it unashamedly dropped to 30. And the sign to show said limit was placed after the bend and down the ramp, causing a normal, American-loving, tax-paying, safe-driving citizen(like myself) to enter the bend over the limit. And such is my luck a troop of law-enforcment gentlemen were enjoying a beautiful evening on a curb strategically placed behind a contruction vehicle. As my vehicle,which was travelling under the posted limit during most of my trip, came around the bend one of these gentlemen found my speed to be excessive. And so I was given a one-of-a-kind, autographed slip of paper just for me.

I let you in on my situation to ask you...can you drive 30? I mean doesn't 30 feel like backing out of a driveway? The feeling of travelling 30 is like the time you jumped off the swing on the playground in 4th grade trying to go further than Bryce who happened to break the 13 foot record, untouched for 2 years.

Just wondering...how fast do you typically drive?