Why does the pressure on the water fountain pulsate in conjunction with someone flushing a toilet nearby? Does this bother anyone else?

Note to self-don't carry $4.00 coffee and your computer bag on the same hand.

I got a sucker!

When I went to the bank the other day I got to use the vacuum-sucky-pod-mover-thingy. That thing is awesome. But the real point is that after I deposited my cash into my savings account-which supposedly yields interest but charges me crazy fees for withdrawals, re-orders, spell-check and processing fees-I received a sucker with my deposit slip. That's right it came down the clear tube, into it's docking station next to my window, and BAM right into my hands.

A couple things crossed my mind. Besides the normal array of questions like: "How do they clean that thing when stuff gets caught in it?" or "Can I figure out a way to sneak up there and connect a tube to my house and take everyone's money?" or "Do you think a footlong from Subway could fit in that?" I reveled in my sugar free gift from the bullet proof window teller person who only has a first name like Tony, Karen, Roger or Alejandro.

I wondered where else could you incorporate this generous gift giving technique and it change your experience?

How about at the car dealership. "Good afternoon welcome to ___________ Ford/GMC/Hummer/Hyundia/Nissan/BMW/Toyota/Honda Dealership, would you like a sucker?" Nice huh?

Or on the hold with your cell phone company when you call asking about the Government fee or usage fee(are they serious) or the adjustment fee for adjusting something that they don't want to admit to so they call it adjusment fee or even worse the "other" fee which, come on, makes no sense. "Thank you for calling __________ Wireless where we work for you and want to keep you connected. Your wait time to speak to a friendly overseas operator is 93 minutes"...then bam a sucker comes through your phone. Love it!

Or how about the mall kiosk people. "Excuse me sir can I ask you a question? (the famous line so as not to get a "no I'm not interested" response-in which I love to respond to their question with "you just did") Thanks anyway, here's a sucker" Seriously if those not-legitimate-enough-for-a-store peddlers of sea salts, personalized pot holders, hermit crabs and 3D moving water wall art, would just sit back and not verbally tackle me as I go by, I might hear them out and actually buy a belt buckle with Sponge Bob on it.

So I think suckers are great. Really. You should start giving them away at your place of business. Just imagine the difference it could make.

Are you a Waver?


During a baseball game last week, I saw one of the funniest yet addicting things happen in the crowd. The wave. It's funny because never would you see someone, or find yourself, alone in a chair then having the urge to stand up, hands up in the air and scream then sit back down again; then repeat until interest is lost. However if a crowd of one-man-wavers get together and begin propositioning for this silly maneuver, it turns into a giddy, childish, "hey look at that" happening.

As I watched a few one-man-wavers attempt to sell the rest of the watching-the-game-paying-fans on the necessity of the wave, I recognized a few simple but profound truths.

1. No matter how hard one man tries to get the wave started it takes more than one. Possibly two...four would be good...seven to ten people even better.

2. Multiple pockets of wave-starters can have a difficult time reaching their intended goal unless they are pushing the ripple in the same direction.

3. Once everyone succumbs to the few wave-starter's appeals, they love it. In fact they cheer it on as the sea of people push the ripple all the way around the now ocean-like arena, and boo the sitter-downers as if they just kicked their dog or just took the parking spot they were waiting for at Target.

4. After the wave has come around about eight times (field research shows the eigthth pass is key) the once "hey sit down I'm trying to watch the game...Ok I'll do the wave" fans, return to their previous position of sitting and being disinterested in the human ripple that once, for a fleeting five minutes, held their attention and devotion.

I think we all are either searching for a "wave" that we can start or sitting watching wave-starters desperately try to get others to buy into their wave, all the while wishing we had the guts to start one ourselves. Either way I have an encouraging word for all of us.

Dive in!

Why not? What can it hurt? Do you really think someone will look at you and say, "look at that moron, what a goofball, sit down"? Just try it next time you see the one-man-wave-starter call for your attention. He just wants everyone to have some fun. And why not attempt a wave yourself, what can you lose?

And wave-starters...we need you. Life would be nothing but a spectator sport without you. So when you feel the urge to spread the love and get others excited; please by all means stand up and shout, "Hey let's do the wave on three...ready? One...two...three...AAAAAAHHHHHHH!"

I'm feeling the desire right now...Ok that was a little silly doing the wave by myself in front of my lap top while the cleaning lady was right outside my door, but it was a start.

How about you?

High in the sky.

I was on an airplane and was thinking, (which is easy to do because you can't hear anything due to the cabin pressure and noise) what a crazy thing...Flying. There are so many crazy things about flying in a plane that are so funny to me.

Like people. Seriously, people are crazy. Needing the air nozzle shooting stale air in the right direction, window or aisle(it's very important), wanting a pillow which feels like it's made of cotton candy and when puffed up is about as thick as a CD, feeling the need to talk to the person next to you and embellishing your life's details, or the fight over who gets the arm-rest, wanting a whole can of coke not just the swallow in the clear plastic cups(that fits in the perfectly sized indent on the seat-back-tray, even though I still find a way to slide or bump off the tray onto my lap or my carry-on neatly stowed under the seat in front of me).

Plane rides are interesting. It brings out the best and worst in people. I saw a man surrender his seat to a lady who looked a little distraught, carrying her 2 year old and a car seat. I've also seen people push and shove their way through innocent line-standers to the right seat they "have to" have. I even saw a man, annoyed by the kid sitting next to him who was bravely riding by himself, ask a steward to move the kid somewhere else so the man could enjoy his ride better. People are funny!

And I love it when landing, the plane rocks to a stop and the infamous "bong" sounds and immediately everyone stands up as if in doing so they will exit sooner. Think about it. There is one door we all will need to walk through. There is one aisle which is smaller than the door. The row you are standing in (more like ducking trying not to bump your head on the overhead storage bin; which I want to sneak in and ride the whole flight, and when someone opens it up to get their bags which have shifted during flight, I would jump out and say something clever like, "are we in Kansas?" or, "did you rub my lamp?" or, "ha ha it worked".) is smaller than the aisle. I'm not sure why people act like this but it's funny to me. I admit I jump up too, but there are some people who stay seated until everyone is out. I think they know something we don't. Like the people who sit in a theater and watch the credits to see if something extra will show up.

And the bathrooms...don't get me started on the bathrooms, don't even get me started.

Next time on a plane just watch. I'm telling you it's a crazy world filled with crazy people. Put those people thousands of feet in the air and they get even crazier!

When you are eating out, do you talk about other food places?

I find it funny that when I'm eating out at a restaurant, the conversation always drifts toward discussing other eateries and what is liked and disliked about each one. You'd think that you'd want to show respect due the eating establishment where you are currently consuming products. I was wondering if this practice is applicable to all subjects and arenas of life.

For instance, when talking to a friend do people stay in the parameters of that friendship or does the topic hop to other friends. I wonder how that affects that present dialoging aquaintance. Do you find yourself talking about other movies while in a theater (theatre for you civilized readers)? Does your conversation roam to other songs while enjoying a musical number in your friend’s car? Can you really watch a game and not reminisce about games of ole' ?(I love that word. I wish I could add an apostrophe to any word and make it more special)

I think we can't give attention to our current situation because we operate in a competitively comparative community. (Alliteration...I love it!) Really...I typically blame it on my self-diagnosed ADD. It's really because I can't stop comparing. I do it. You do it. Of course I do it better than you. And you believe you are better than me but that's just being overly comparative. I am better though!

So the next time you are crunching your assumedly "free" chips and salsa; check yourself (for spillage of said tomato based appetizer) and see how comparative you are. Then listen to your cohorts and see how comedic their comparative communication comes across.

Then grade yourself accordingly:
1 pt. for you - for each comparison that you make that makes more sense then your competitor's.
2 pts. for you - for each comparison your competitor coughs up which was concocted by another contestant yet claimed by current competitor.
3 pts. for you - for each situation where you didn't create the comparison contest conversation.

If you score:
6-9 you are a normal human being and you should feel confident you aren't overly comparative. 10-15 you are very comparatively prone and you should curb your competitive predisposition. 16 or higher go get help!

Happy New Year 101

I mean I'm all about being friendly, but how long into the actual New Year do you wish others a hearty, "Happy New Year"?

I saw a friend today that I hadn't seen since Christmas. She said, "Happy New Year" and I responded with an echoing greeting referring to the said year and its newness. Then I thought, "How far into the said year of newness do you use that greeting?" It's actually a very fundamental thing for me. I'm wondering. So to cure my anxiety I have come up with the official rules for New Year's greetings.

Happy New Year is a correct greeting in the following situations:

1. When used greeting a person you see during the dates of Jan. 1st - Jan. 5th.
2. When used greeting a person you haven't seen since the new year began when the date is on or before Jan. 15th. (after the 15th it really is too late and if you haven't seen that person since the 1st then you really can't call them a friend now can you?)
3. When greeting a person you have met for the first time on or before Jan. 15th.

So to all of you I haven't met yet, "Happy New Year!"
To those whom I call friends and I haven't seen you since Jan. 1st, "Happy New Year!"

I had to say it because it's too close to the 15th and I don't want to forget.

I just got finished mailing my driving record and completion of a safety driving certificate. This is an annoying process. One is forced to watch 6 hours of stuff and answer the silliest questions. All becaue ,the aformentioned "One", broke some vehicle law requiring you to travel at a certain speed in a certain area.

My infringement was daring to move at a mind-blowing speed of 41...you can close your mouth now...in a 30 MPH zone. Let me defend myself please. The speed limit was 45 during my entire trip on my chosen route. Then as the road bent to the right and went downhill, it unashamedly dropped to 30. And the sign to show said limit was placed after the bend and down the ramp, causing a normal, American-loving, tax-paying, safe-driving citizen(like myself) to enter the bend over the limit. And such is my luck a troop of law-enforcment gentlemen were enjoying a beautiful evening on a curb strategically placed behind a contruction vehicle. As my vehicle,which was travelling under the posted limit during most of my trip, came around the bend one of these gentlemen found my speed to be excessive. And so I was given a one-of-a-kind, autographed slip of paper just for me.

I let you in on my situation to ask you...can you drive 30? I mean doesn't 30 feel like backing out of a driveway? The feeling of travelling 30 is like the time you jumped off the swing on the playground in 4th grade trying to go further than Bryce who happened to break the 13 foot record, untouched for 2 years.

Just wondering...how fast do you typically drive?