Bucket-head!
The stuff that makes your heart smile.

I thought it strange that while i was running my ipod jumped across so many genres of music that it couldn't make up it's mind. David Crowder, Foo Fighters, Melissa Ethridge, Will Smith, The Chipmunks...whatever. Maybe it's me who can't make up his mind.

My youngest son is so talented and well-cultured!

My son just prayed before he went to sleep. I love hearing him talk to God. It is so honest and untainted. Tonight he said, "Thank you Jesus for making all these people(I'm assuming he meant our family, and I like how he said these people-like we have cooties) and thank you Jesus for pizza and everything you made, Amen."

I think he's got it.

I just put my son to bed. Ten minutes later he calls me in to tell me that the pajama shirt I put on him has a truck theme whilst the pants have a space theme. Clearly I mis-matched. I love his honesty and his cognitive ability. What was he thinking? "Hmmm, I would sure like to fall asleep yet something is keeps pulling me back out of REM. I wonder if it could be the threat of Swine Flu I hear about, or maybe the pressure of the economic status our country is in, could it be the quandary of whether to dress as batman tomorrow or superman? Ah that's it clothes. My pajamas are all not-fung-shui. My dad is so off tonight...DADDY!" If only everything in life had an answer that simple.

Kids in bed + wife playing guitar hero so entertaining. Have to be at work in 6 hours...who cares.

After I used each and every tool in my arsenal/garage, I found the Holy Grail of possum removal tools...a rake.

A hoe, broom, paint roller extension pole, pellet gun, a barrage of wiffle balls, shifting my shoes, whistling, clapping - all weapons one might think of using to remove a possum. But the second I scrapped the rake on the garage floor the possum freaked out. He couldn't stand the sound. Every time it scratched the concrete, his body flinched. Eventually he ran out so fast like Rosie O'Donnell at a Republican National Convention.

So note to all - use a rake and scrap it on the floor!

I don't have a Facebook. But I do have a face. And I like to use it to talk to people.

Now how not normal is that? - Nugget Surprise

Earlier this week I was feeding my family a healthy meal from the red-headed clown-man's mandated cafe. When I partook of one of the chicken morsels I found a surprise. This nugget isn't scared after all. It had a bone inside.

Now how not normal is that?

What I love right now:

I love wrestling with my boys. Being a dad has it's perks, but one of the best is getting on the ground and tearing into a toddler. I also love the excitement of coming home from work. I love my boys.

I love my wife. She is even more of what I want then when I asked her to marry me. I hear people say that they married their best friend-and everybody tries to say that-but I really did marry my best friend. I love my wife.

I love my family. I guess I believed somewhere that having a perfect family was perfect. But mine isn't. And I like that, really. My family is real, difficult, supporting and caring. And best of all they are all within a 30 minute drive. I love my family.

Why does the pressure on the water fountain pulsate in conjunction with someone flushing a toilet nearby? Does this bother anyone else?

People I'd like to thank...

I want to thank the dude who makes healthy food. We are told all the time by doctors and health professionals to eat healthy. Even Dr. Oz on Oprah reminds you to eat smart. But do those people who are preaching organic and free-range, ever look at the prices?

So here comes the guy I'd like to thank. Mr healthy food maker price setter guy. You take food that is good for us and make it 300 times more expensive than regular food. How am I supposed to get healthy and skinny?

Back in the days of castles and sword duels, you were considered well off if you were over weight. Because it meant you could afford more than potatoes. Now the sign of wealth should be those who can afford healthy foods looking skinny and fit.

So I guess I'll just go grab my Ramen and some Fried Chicken or Twinkies and Bisquick. Maybe some Hamburger Helper...Yeah help me get FAT!

Thanks a lot Mr healthy food maker price setter guy.

I can't help but smile!


The Yankees are out of the post season...again. What a great day. The disgrace that is the Yankees will once again sit and watch a "real" baseball team win the series. Oh the joy!

$$ + great individual players doesn't = championships.

Championships are won by teams. TEAM. That is what it takes to win. A good team is made up of very good players who play well together and play for each other not for a paycheck or cameras.

Oh the weather outside is frightful
But the news is so delightful
The Yanks have no place to go
Yankees blow Yankees blow Yankees blow

Note to self-don't carry $4.00 coffee and your computer bag on the same hand.

People I'd Like To Thank-



I'd like to thank they guy who first said, "Bad things always happen in 3's". You really started something punk. What was your evil mind thinking when you came up with that quip? If I had the chance I would punch you in the spleen and then just for spite I would punch you 3 more times and laugh because that bad thing just happened 4 times...HA HA there goes your theory or should I say three-ory. Then I would say, "That just happened Mr. Bad things happen in 3's theory maker-uper."

Thanks to you 3 bad things happened to me recently.

First, I was utilizing the men's facility on the 3rd floor of my office building. As I compressed the handle of the vertical toilet-otherwise known as the urinal-the rapids ensued. The water from the urinal began mimicking Niagara. And I was not about to jump in a barrel and put my name on the list. I was attacked. My shoes and pants became soaked from the urinal's arsenal. Not a good thing because as a man you try your best to keep any splashes off your clothing while in a men's room. This is crucial. Your appearance as you exit speaks of who you are. Even if some sprinkles from the sink show on your pants, people will think things. 1 of 3; and I wouldn't even notice the significance of the 3rd floor until later. Little did he know, little did he know.

Second, I decided to trim my hair to a more user friendly length-you know a guard setting of 3. As I made my first pass down the center of my cranium I failed to notice the sheer amount of hair being sheared. I looked at the razor and was amazed by the size of the hair bundled up on the guard. I shrugged and thought, "Mmm I guess my hair was longer than I thought." So I kept going. Little did he know. After I had finished the scalping I walked inside only to be greeted by my wife's reassuring remark of, "Oh my gosh...go look at your hair." The mirror speaks clearly. And clearly it spoke. That's when I realized the number 3 guard I attached was for facial hair. A different size than the one used for HAIR ON TOP OF THE HEAD.

And finally or thirdly, my wife my son and I (3 of us) were enjoying a nice sunny day at the beach-with my scalp feeling especially warm due to the lack of coverage. This was my son's first beach trip. As I sat him on my lap reminding him that everything was safe-so I thought-, a seagull deposited a gift on my knee. The multi-colored warm poo hit me and then splashed on my son. That's when I looked up to see which dive bomber picked me and realized the bird is not who I should be angry with. Then and there I realized my anger should be directed towards someone else.

So thanks a lot Mr. "Things happen in 3's" theory maker-uper guy. You're a punk. I will find you. And after I'm through punching your spleen people will recall the event and say, "Little did he know...".

I wander wonder...

Its considered healthy to have your mind concentrating on the task at hand ie. a conversation, a project, reading, writing, arithmetic (I still don't know why those are called the 3 R's). Yet from time to time I find myself wondering about things that aren't too important to my present task; related of course but not relevant (for instance the previous statement about the 3 R's).

I wonder. Not so much "off subject", more "near subject". You could say I wander wonder (I like that alliteration).

So I wonder...who out there wander wonders also? Where are the Wonder Wanderers? What are they watching. Where are their wonder wanderings taking them? What wonders are whisking them away, and where to? Where would we be without Wonder Wanderers? What do Wonder Wanderers wear? Why am I writing this? What words wake Wonder Wanderers weekly?

My latest wonder wandering took me by surprise. I've used erasers my whole life. Mostly because of mistakes when writing, but sometimes I like to make art out of erasers and the aftermath. As I used my Sanford Magic Rub 1954, I wondered, "Why is there ink on my eraser? Isn't the purpose of my eraser to erase ink? Does this mean my eraser is defective? How do they get ink to stay on the eraser?" And so on.

What wonder wanders do you have? When do you wonder wander the most? What were you wearing when your most recent wonder wander wound up waking your wonder? Were you wishing you weren't wandering with your wonder? Wet your whistle? Want waffles?...what?

I wonder if the weather will waft the weary on their wherry
wherein the weather is, and whether the wherry carrying the weary will
weather the weather.

Let me know your wonder wanderings. If we share, who knows where we will wind up or which way the wind will blow?

The letter W was used 105 times in this post (plus 2 more times in this sentence).

Baseball =drama!


It's bad enough the Barry injects himself and swells up as he gets older(seriously -can you say steriod use or just the typical development of a 42 year old man?). Now Roger Clemens has to prove to the world that he is a money chaser. I have had much non-love for the Yankees ever since I fell in love with the game of baseball. It's just too easy to hate them. And my new dislike of the Rocket is not based on that.

Of course not all the blame lies on Roger, for holding out and demanding that baseball wait on him and bend over backwards to pay out the wazoo, the Hendricks bros deserve much credit.

So thank you Roger for using our facilities in spring training and making us pay for your spring workouts and supplies. And then bolting for NY in the pursuit of the all-mighty-dollar!

You are such a stand-up-guy. By that I mean, "those of you who want to pretend you are playing baseball for the love of the game and you are making your decision to play based on family and the fans but really want to mislead everyone and pad your pockets to really prove what a selfish putz you are please stand up." And Roger will stand up every time.

Good luck Yankees. You now have the most selfish player playing for the most selfish owner. Actually that's not a bad combination.

May the Rocket fizzle in the Bronx!

It's not working.


When I was in "attack-blog-mode" my team actually heard my botheration of being a fan (defined as an enthusiastic devotee of sports). However my stratagem to hurl heart-felt insults aimed at the Astros has blown up in my face. This futile attempt to spur my team on to great results has turned out to be a house-of-cards.

My plan of attack called for monthly complaints about poor batting, lousy relief pitching or overall lack of effort. I believed this scheme would effectively produce the outcome we all desire. But NAY! The Astros can not smell what I am stepping in-so to speak. So I will up the ante. I will fire complaints from behind my electronic bulwark at a more rapid pace.

They'll never know what hit 'em. (actually I hope they do catch my drift and start playing with more heart and attempt to lock up a win before late innings)

LET'S GO ASTROS...clap clap.......clap clap clap!
I mean: YOU GUYS STINK, GO BACK TO ROUND ROCK YOU OVERPAID 8TH GRADERS!
I can feel my plan working...shhhh, don't blow it for us...shhhh, who said that...oh it was me shhhh.

It's that time of year again.


Time to get your vote on for the MLB All-Star Game. If you want to vote here is a link that will take you to an online ballot.

http://www.mlb.com/mlb/events/all_star/y2007/ballot_reg.jsp

You can vote 25 times!

Now I don't have to tell you what player you should vote for. But some guys on a hot team in South East TX are playing pretty well. (I'm staying vague because when I submitted my verbal razing of the "South East TX team" they turned around and started slapping pitchers around in late innings. So I'm going to keep up the barrage of critiques and criticism.)

So put on your team's jersey, buy a ticket, get out to the ball park and punch the chads, or wear your decrepit PJ's, pay for dial-up or high-speed, go to your Commodore 64 and click away.

The power is yours!

Take me out to the ball game
Take me out to the crowd
Buy me a team that can hit the ball
High school Ju-co who can we call
For its root root root for the Lastros
If they don't win what a shock
For it's one through nine they can't hit
At the 'Ole Ball Game!


I know that last line didn't rhyme with the 6th line, but cut me some slack please! At least my winning percentage isn't .167!