People I'd Like To Thank-



I'd like to thank they guy who first said, "Bad things always happen in 3's". You really started something punk. What was your evil mind thinking when you came up with that quip? If I had the chance I would punch you in the spleen and then just for spite I would punch you 3 more times and laugh because that bad thing just happened 4 times...HA HA there goes your theory or should I say three-ory. Then I would say, "That just happened Mr. Bad things happen in 3's theory maker-uper."

Thanks to you 3 bad things happened to me recently.

First, I was utilizing the men's facility on the 3rd floor of my office building. As I compressed the handle of the vertical toilet-otherwise known as the urinal-the rapids ensued. The water from the urinal began mimicking Niagara. And I was not about to jump in a barrel and put my name on the list. I was attacked. My shoes and pants became soaked from the urinal's arsenal. Not a good thing because as a man you try your best to keep any splashes off your clothing while in a men's room. This is crucial. Your appearance as you exit speaks of who you are. Even if some sprinkles from the sink show on your pants, people will think things. 1 of 3; and I wouldn't even notice the significance of the 3rd floor until later. Little did he know, little did he know.

Second, I decided to trim my hair to a more user friendly length-you know a guard setting of 3. As I made my first pass down the center of my cranium I failed to notice the sheer amount of hair being sheared. I looked at the razor and was amazed by the size of the hair bundled up on the guard. I shrugged and thought, "Mmm I guess my hair was longer than I thought." So I kept going. Little did he know. After I had finished the scalping I walked inside only to be greeted by my wife's reassuring remark of, "Oh my gosh...go look at your hair." The mirror speaks clearly. And clearly it spoke. That's when I realized the number 3 guard I attached was for facial hair. A different size than the one used for HAIR ON TOP OF THE HEAD.

And finally or thirdly, my wife my son and I (3 of us) were enjoying a nice sunny day at the beach-with my scalp feeling especially warm due to the lack of coverage. This was my son's first beach trip. As I sat him on my lap reminding him that everything was safe-so I thought-, a seagull deposited a gift on my knee. The multi-colored warm poo hit me and then splashed on my son. That's when I looked up to see which dive bomber picked me and realized the bird is not who I should be angry with. Then and there I realized my anger should be directed towards someone else.

So thanks a lot Mr. "Things happen in 3's" theory maker-uper guy. You're a punk. I will find you. And after I'm through punching your spleen people will recall the event and say, "Little did he know...".